Farsighted
by Thorne Scratch
Summary: Saying and seeing are entirely different. QuistisXu yuri.


Title: Farsighted

Summary: Saying and seeing are entirely different. Quistis/Xu yuri.

Warning & Disclaimer: Mild angst. All characters belong to Squaresoft.

Notes: Farsighted is a part of a longer series being written out of order. See website for other pieces in chronological order.

__

but someday when my heart exhales  
i'll tell you everything  
these sweet words spilling all about us  
i'll say please, please be with me  
and i'll breathe so easily

but instead i'm turning blue  
i look at you  
and keep my stupid mouth shut

~hem, stupid mouth shut

Quistis is farsighted. When she takes off her glasses, she looks thoughtful because she can't see what's right in front of her. 

Xu knows it's a good look for her, really. It probably helps to add to the whole atmosphere of all-knowing, friendly, _approachable_ Instructor, something that hangs around her in what less logical and reasonable SeeD's would call an aura. It is entirely different from the almost tangible longing that hangs around the Trepies, much in the same way they choke the air with over-zealous perfume and cologne and hormones for Quistis's first period class. 

Puppies in heat, Xu thinks unkindly, and savagely writes a memo requiring a new kind of vaccination for incoming cadets. 

That's the class with the largest percentage of Trepies—not that she came by this from observing for any extended period of time or covert glances at a roll call sheet Quistis wrote up in _Xu's_ room. Quistis told her, right out. Naked, with a sheet swathed loose around her waist in _Xu's_ bed. Sat there with the paper and read the names one by one and asked Xu if she knew any of them and Xu does, knows each one, but the words she wants to use would probably not give Quistis what she's looking for. 

"I want to make a difference," Quistis says, and actually _means_ it. She's not quite starry-eyed, but she's close enough to pass and no one should be that excited about seating charts and new red pens, for Hyne's sake. Every now and then her fingers unconsciously touch her collar bone, as though looking for the new little instructor pin. It unnerves Xu a little, but it's also sexy as hell, in another equally disconcerting way.

It's nothing that the Trepies will see. _Trepies_. How original, how typically _juvenile_. It's rather difficult keeping up with the names and faces of a rapidly growing organization like that. Lesser SeeDs might be daunted. But Xu is nothing but determined, steeled by last night's memory.

It was a good night though, standing out in a lengthening parade of nights that have not been quite so good, because Quistis naked at any time was worth the anxiety and it wasn't as hard as Xu thought it might be at first to convince her to forgo an hour of sleep for something else. Soothes the nerves, she swore with a hand over her heart and then a hand over Quistis's heart and then a hand over—well, never mind. Quistis is not in full, glorious non-clothed-ness with a Trepie, not with another SeeD, she is with _Xu_. 

Or not completely naked—with glasses. Quistis needs her glasses to read, especially at night. But sometimes she takes them off, even before she's ready to go to sleep. Quistis looks off into the distance and smiles, just a little because far-away things are all that she can focus clearly upon. 

Xu has never remarked upon this. Making little observations like this and never saying them shame her sometimes, and she doesn't quite know why. It feels rather like caching firearms and she tries not to think of it that way. SeeD is nothing but formation of habits, drilled day after day.

It's only coincidence that Xu decided to move the reading lamp to the other side of the regulation size, SeeD-issue bed. Certainly not because this gives her the excuse to move the bed next to the wall, with the table at just the right spot for a few books and a lamp and a space for glasses. Space allocation is something she's been reviewing, Cid wants to know if there's any way to free up some space in the library and she puts room-schematics to use for her own convenience.

Right, well. Quistis slips into it like habit but this means some awkward clambering when Xu's last to sleep. The beds are quite small. The person sleeping next to the wall can't fall out but the person on the outside edge can. Xu doesn't move in her sleep much so this is the only logical place for her to lie. It has nothing to do with pinning anybody in.

So Quistis rolls up next to the wall and falls asleep before Xu turns off the computer (she's gotten her typing to the quietest she can manage) and fumbles clothes off without seeing her own nakedness (she can work in the dark) and inwardly curses the popping of her own joints (she sits motionless and upright to practice posture and endurance and it has nothing to do with worrying over breathing too loud).

Out in the hallways, cadets try to tiptoe quietly to midnight couplings and Xu memorizes the different sounds of doors opening so she can write the offenders down in the morning. If they had any patience or endurance, they'd wait until three. Infants, really.

Beside her, Quistis breathes out and turns over, so she faces Xu. Xu's arm is trapped beneath part of Quistis's shoulder now, but she doesn't move. It tingles a bit, and then she stops feeling it. The warmth and sensation of a hipbone against the top of her thigh makes up for it. Eventually, she stops seeing their faint ghosts in the mirror across the room and falls asleep.

In the morning, she slaps the trumpeting alarm clock into quiet and stares blearily at the ceiling. She set it an hour earlier; Quistis had wanted to shower in the morning today. It doesn't make a difference, because Quistis is already up and has thoroughly occupied the bathroom in a move that the Galbadians would do well to take notes from. Steam and the smell of freesia seeps into the air and billows ghost-shapes by the door, the demons that haunt the hot water pipes are being exorcised. Good riddance.

It takes more than ghosts to frighten Xu. Her breath is doing a good job of it, though. She swings both legs out of bed, winces when she bangs one knee against the little table. Perhaps this is not as efficient as she thought.

Inside the bathroom, everything is muted and coated with condensation. Xu brushes her teeth and scowls at her hair, which has sort of flattened on one side. The humidity doesn't seem to be making too much of a difference, which just figures. Her eyes feel gummy and gritty at the same time, a unique and entirely uncomfortable sensation.

Spit. Rinse. And again. And again. The floss is here somewhere. She's not lingering, really. A SeeD cares about proper dental hygiene—if that's not in the handbook, it's probably slated for the next edition.

The water goes off. Quistis's arm gropes out for the towel.

Maybe Xu's lingering a little. Just a bit. She's up earlier than usual, she can afford it. 

A little more…

Just a moment…

Quistis peers out, all sleek wetness and gold-ivory and—it's too early, it's too early. Quistis will kill her if she does anything to throw off the routine and make Quistis late for the first day. "Hey. Could you hand me my glasses?"

They're right by Xu's hand and she mentally berates herself for not catching them right off. Gold rims and oval and very… demure is the only word that fits. The lenses are all fogged over and cloudy when she picks them up and tries to wipe them clear with the washcloth. "Here."

"Wait." Quistis's head disappears. "Let me get my hair out of the way."

There's only one towel because Xu needs to do laundry. Does that mean…? While waiting to see, she absently puts them on and blinks in surprise as everything swims out of focus. This is what Quistis sees, but it's not what she sees. Somehow it makes sense that Xu can't see any better from Quistis's point of view than Quistis could if she looked at things like Xu does, without glasses.

Xu takes them off. They've fogged up again. She can't stop that, it won't change until the door opens and some of the steam that conceals and blurs will dissipate. 

Quistis steps out completely. Yes, indeed. A turban and nothing else, Hyne be praised. Xu follows Quistis out and enjoys the view (front and back and let's face it, all the sides as well) before it disappears under perfectly ironed, perfectly starched, uniform skirt, blouse, and jacket. Every button is done up, but she expects nothing other than that.

"Here," she says again and slides them onto Quistis's face because she wants to see the look in those blue eyes focus and sharpen on Xu rather than what's beyond her. Quistis looks surprised and then smiles, sliding her hands up to make minute adjustments.

Quistis combs her hair, pins it up in a perfect twist, and then combs Xu's hair because they are exactly seventeen minutes ahead of schedule. It feels good. Xu hums a little under the hands on her scalp, squints, and pretends she is still wearing the glasses.

"I'll see you at lunch?" Quistis asks before leaving, and doesn't wait for a response while grabbing papers and books and forcing order from the chaos. "I'm going to need the break. It's probably going to be horrible."

No it won't, Quistis obviously wants her to say. You'll do fine. But all she does is smile and kiss Quistis's ear because Quistis's mouth is already moving into the first-morning welcome smile for the cadets and it would be a shame to muss that as well, see lips swollen and reddened and moist. Even if Xu wants to.

"I'll see you," Xu says. She closes her eyes and when she opens them, the words have come but Quistis has already left.

__

the hall light streams out through the screens  
and the shadows capture me in webs   
just tangled up in what i've seen  
and every word i have not said  
i have not said


End file.
